Sunday, May 17, 2009

Ahhh..Hillllllarious..

WAY TOO FUNNY!!!

ACTUAL exchanges between pilots and control towers
>
>
>
> Tower : 'Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!'
>
> Delta 351 : 'Give us another hint! We have digital watches!'
>
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
> **********************
>
> Tower : 'TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.'
>
> TWA 2341 : 'Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
> here?'
>
> Tower : 'Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a
> 727?'
>
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
> ************************
>
> From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: 'I'm
f...ing
> bored!'
>
> Ground Traffic Control : 'Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
> immediately!'
>
> Unknown aircraft : 'I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!'
>
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
> **********************
>
> O'Hare Approach Control to a 747 : 'United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
> Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound.'
>
> United 329 : 'Approach, I've always wanted to say this..I've got the
little
> Fokker in sight.'
>
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
> ************************
>
> A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.. While
attempting
> to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked , 'What was your last known
> position?'
>
> Student : 'When I was number one for takeoff..'
>
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
> ***********************
>
>
>
> A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out
> after touching down.
>
> San Jose Tower Noted : 'American 751, make a hard right turn at the end
of
> the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit
> off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.'
>
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
> ************************
>
> A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the
> following:
>
> Lufthansa (in German): ' Ground, what is our start clearance time?'
>
> Ground (in English): 'If you want an answer you must speak in English.'

>
> Lufthansa (in English): 'I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany
> . Why must I speak English?'
>
> Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
'Because
> you lost the bloody war!'
>
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
> ************************
>
>
>
> Tower : 'Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
> 1247'
>
> Eastern 702 : 'Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after
> we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
runway.'
>
>
> Tower : 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
> Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?'

>
> BR Continental 635 : 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and
yes,
> we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers.'
>
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
> ************************
>
>
>
> One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of
> the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned
> around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in
the
> DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, 'What a cute little plane. Did you
> make it all by yourself?'
>
> The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a
real
> zinger: 'I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll
> have enough parts for another one.'
>
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
> ************************
>
>
>
> The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
> short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
> location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was
> with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
> exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call
> sign Speedbird 206..
>
> Speedbird 206 : ' Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway.'
>
> Ground : 'Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.'
>
> The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
>
> Ground : 'Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?'
>
> Speedbird 206 : 'Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
now.' !
>
>
> Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): 'Speedbird 206, have you not
been
> to Frankfurt before?'
>
> Speedbird 206 (coolly): 'Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I
> didn't land.'
>
>
>
>
****************************************************************************
> ********************* While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport , the
crew
> of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came
> nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed
out
> at the US Air crew, screaming:
>
> 'US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto
> Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's
> difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it
right!'
>
>
> Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
> hysterically:
>
> 'God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this
out!
> You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect
> progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go
> exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got
that,
> US Air 2771?'
>
> 'Yes, ma'am,' the humbled crew responded.
>
> Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly
silent
> after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging
> the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every
> cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an
unknown
> pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: 'Wasn't I
married
> to you once?'

No comments:

Post a Comment